


Disgrace of the Goddess

by theBitchTornado



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Gods aren't what you wish them to be, Short Story, Suicide, evil gods
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:22:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23236891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theBitchTornado/pseuds/theBitchTornado
Summary: Anamaya has expressed hope in the wrong deity.....
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Disgrace of the Goddess

Off in the middle of nowhere lay a disgraced goddess. Having fainted, she lay on the grass in an abandoned town where she used to be worshipped. Where her many shrines and altars used to be was now a desert. And she was insensible to all of it.  
  
It never occurred to the dead that the goddess they used to worship had fallen from grace. So, when Anamaya committed suicide, her soul fled for the goddess’s help.  
  
The goddess was dead to the world when Anamaya’s soul sped into the biggest shrine in the abandoned town. Anamaya, tortured by her ugly death and memories of her hard life, could not believe that her beloved goddess was unconscious and unable to receive her poor soul’s help.  
  
Back when the Goddess was still beloved by millions of people, her shrines were immaculately kept. The floor gleamed and the walls were decorated by the faithful’s wishes. The coffers were full, and the air echoed with the sounds of people praying and leaving offerings. One of them was a beautiful painting of the Goddess, who visited the artist in her sleep, and blessed her. The altars always had aromatic candles lit and incense of all types burned. The ground was littered with trinkets and gifts for the priestesses of the Goddess.  
  
Now, all of it was gone. The plates that held the candles were dusty and old. The ash from the last stick of incense was still on the floor, which was covered in bird droppings and puddles of rainwater. The roof was almost gone. It was a cheerless place, no longer comforting for the lone spirit who came to see her. Anamaya was horrified by the change. When she had done the terrible deed, she had imagined this place as a haven, and only as a spirit could she have entered her Paradise. But that Paradise didn’t exist anymore. It was gone. And the Goddess, whom she prayed to, but didn’t get a reply from, was laying in the middle of the filth and rancor.  
  
Anamaya saw the Goddess stir and open her eyes. She had lost her beauty, Anamaya saw. At the height of her power, the Goddess was captivating. Human artists tried to copy her beauty when they saw her in their dreams but could never quite capture it. She appeared in a different form to everyone who saw her. To some, her beauty was reflected in deep black skin, great curves and curly black hair. To others, she was petite and blonde. But everyone heard her booming voice and felt the comfort that sprang from her lips.  
  
Anamaya was appalled to see that her Goddess, curly red hair and deep black eyes, was dull to the senses. She lost her shape, and her hair was limp and thin. Her mouth was a gash and her eyes were stones where no soul could spring from. And when the Goddess asked, “Who are you?” all Anamaya heard was a shrill and unpleasant croak.  
  
“I’m Anamaya,” she replied hesitantly.  
  
The Goddess nodded. “Ah I suppose you’re a lost soul. What do you want with me? Can’t you see I have no power to give you peace?”  
  
“I didn’t know, but I wanted to be near you.”  
  
The Goddess coughed in amusement. “Well, you are now, girl. Do you still wish to be near me, or do you want me to send you on your way?” Then the Goddess looked at Anamaya closer. “May I ask how you died?”  
  
“I killed myself.”  
  
The Goddess looked over her sadly, without surprise. “Well, I figured it would be terrible, but suicide? Why?”  
  
Anamaya blinked. “Why?”  
  
“Yes, girl. Why do such a horrible thing?”  
  
“I wanted to escape and be in Paradise.”  
  
The Goddess barked in her laughter. “Well, you certainly escaped. But not to Paradise.” She turned away from Anamaya and looked critically at her surroundings. “But I can’t help you go there. You see, I’m no longer as powerful as I used to be. I can’t even send you to somewhere where you would get help to go to Paradise. You’re stuck here.”  
  
Anamaya felt herself sink in despair. She felt like wailing in hopelessness. She looked up at the Goddess she had worshiped and wished to join all her life. “Can’t you do anything? Please? I have worshipped you all my life. I have spent hours on my knees praying and hoping that you would appear to me. And you have, several times! I’m so faithful to you, Goddess. I’m willing to accept Purgatory and-”  
  
“But don’t you understand? This is Purgatory. I can no longer accept prayers or appear to anyone. Tell me, did you see me appear in your dreams the last time you prayed?”  
  
“No...it broke my heart.”  
  
“And so, you decided to kill yourself, so you could find me?”  
  
Anamaya gulped. The Goddess looked upon her in disdain. “Well you have, but tell me girl, did you speak to anyone about why my image wouldn’t appear to you?”  
  
“They told me it was because I wasn’t a true believer. But I am!”  
  
“And you have nothing to believe in!” the Goddess exclaimed. She looked upon her faithful worshipper and sighed in pity. “It wasn’t you who was wrong, it was your priestess. No, my dear misguided Anamaya, I was cast out from the Group of Gods in disgrace, and they ordered all earthly images of me to be destroyed. One believer isn’t enough to keep me in power, I have grown too great and needy to be able to survive on one person’s prayers.” She sighed again. “You shouldn’t have killed yourself. But, since you have, you can at least keep me company in this cold dark place.”  
  
Anamaya bowed her head. The Goddess looked upon her again with slight warmth in her eyes. She sat up and patted the floor beside her. “Here, sit. As much as I thunder and crack, I’m glad I no longer suffer in solitude. Let us get better acquainted.”  
  
Anamaya shivered but did as her Goddess command. “What can I call you?” she asked. The Goddess flipped her greasy hair and a chunk fell off her head.  
  
“Well, mortals are never privy to our real names for a reason. Since you were one, you’ll have to earn my name.”  
  
“How would I do that?”  
  
“Tell me about your life, and why you chose to end it, and at the end, I can tell you why I was disgraced. And then, maybe, I’ll tell you my name. But be warned, once you know my name, your soul will be stuck on this plain forever.”  
  
“Aren’t I already stuck?”  
  
“No, for in time you’ll fade away. I can’t send you to either Heaven or Hell, so you’ll simply go into oblivion. Your remaining spirit will attach itself to a newly formed one and your next life will be filled with sorrow- battling many ills.”  
  
“So, what happens if I get stuck to this plain forever?”  
  
“You wither. Mortals are not meant to stick around with a Goddess as a companion. But those who do become empty shells and we gods and goddesses can use you as tools. And it’s worse for goddesses like me who have no power. If you become my companion, your soul will be split into many parts and it is a pain worse than Hell. I won’t be able to save you, but you’ll never know another life again, and no true harm will come to you. You will lose all memories of this life and will only wish to serve me. You will be in pain, but I’m sure you’ll grow numb to it in time.”  
  
Anamaya thought over the bargain. There can be no worse pain than the pain that I have already suffered, she thought. She looked at the Goddess and nodded her agreement.  
  
“I accept. I will tell you everything about my life and my sorrows. And at the end, you’ll make me forget them.”  
  
“Even if it splits your soul in many pieces and you won’t have another chance at a life?”  
  
“I don’t want another life.”  
  
The Goddess smiled, her thinned lips a garish mark on the face. She leaned back comfortably. “Then proceed, my dear Anamaya. Tell me everything that hides in your soul.”  
  
And so, Anamaya spoke of her long hard life, of all the trials she had gone through and all the sorrows that were inflicted upon her. She spoke of how the Goddess had healed her, and even though not many still believed in any deity, she still prayed and begged the Goddess to appear in her dreams. And whenever her dreams were filled with the Goddess, she had felt a lightening in her soul. And at the end, when her temple was gone and how the priestess had blamed her for her lack of faith, it had devastated her irreparably. She had snuck into the devastated temple and begged the Goddess to save her, for her reality was too much to bear. But no one ever answered. Driven by her sorrow, she built a shrine in her home, the one where everyone else who ever lived had died many years ago and prayed to the Goddess one last time.  
  
When no answer came, she drank poison and fell asleep forever, surrounded by candles that eventually burned the house to the ground. Her neighbors couldn’t even find her body.  
  
After finishing the tale, the Goddess considered her without expression. The story had been terrible, but she had heard worse things whispered into her ear over the long years of her reign.  
  
“Thank you for your offering. I am glad, at least, that I have had such a faithful follower like you. It comforts me well, thank you. Would you still like to hear why I am in disgrace?”  
  
“Oh yes! I wish to share in our sorrow.”  
  
Oh, the naivety of worshippers.  
  
“Well, it’s a sad and simple story, really.”  
  
“Oh, is it because you fell in love with a human?” Anamaya breathed out. The Goddess almost smirked at the question.  
  
“Oh, that? No. I have fallen for many humans and no one cared. No, it was because the Council of Gods wouldn’t give me my due, and so I tried to stage a coup.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I was their draw into their temples, and into their halls. I came to everyone who ever begged me for a favor and I kept the faith alive. Me! I did that, I kept the faithful with me. Yet, they wouldn’t raise my rank as the top Goddess, even though they owed me so much more!” The Goddess noted Anamaya’s horrified expression. The poor soul had been expecting a romantic tale of woe. She didn’t think that her favorite goddess could be so mercenary.  
  
“So, I decided to bribe the many lower gods and goddesses to help me. I told them that if I was the top Goddess, I would raise their status and instruct the faithful to build them shrines and altars and temples so that they could influence the earthly realm. We almost won too, but a human in Paradise over heard and told the heads about my plan.” She sighed. “And so, they took away all my power and told the priestesses on the earthly realm to destroy what was rightfully mine and to deny me my followers. They were told to go to other temples and shrines and barred my way into the people’s hearts. They slowly drained me by telling my people that their belief wasn’t strong enough to save me and to go somewhere else for spiritual nourishment. So now I’m all alone and abandoned with only you as my company.”  
  
The Goddess heard the poor soul’s gasp of horror.  
  
“Now, I will tell you my name.”  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has also read my other work "The Beginning of Saffi" and is interested in me continuing any of them, please let me know! They do well as stand alone stories but if you want to see more, please don't hesitate!


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